Dear friends are recently arrived in the post-diagnosis place m and i occupied nearly 4 yrs ago - a roiling ocean of darkness, chaos, fear, uncertainty. We have a unique window - unique at least among our friends - into their situation. But the window is also a mirror, reflecting back our own experience in ways we'd forgotten, illuminating the way things happened and the way we have chosen to remember it . M and i have the luxury - now anyway - of looking rearward at what happened; the further we get the more the edges of it are defined, more formed, more compartmentalized. But when you're in it, heading into the storm it is black and endless.
This week I am quick(er) to anger, i am deeply annoyed at the chattering person on the bus, i am frustrated with our dog choosing which commands to honor. This morning i recognize that this is probably happening on a micro-scale, my body recalling/empathizing at the cellular level, forwards and backwards, what has happened to us/what is happening them.