tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12130342398132454562024-03-04T21:08:53.756-08:00bags of windBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.comBlogger582125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-63051268320824975872018-12-26T10:00:00.000-08:002018-12-31T08:11:16.868-08:002018 in 9 photos
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1) from trip to yellowstone in october where we saw a lot of great stuff and I tried finally taking my camera off automatic and experimented with shutter speed and exposures. noteworthy b/c i was in throes of crowdfunding and there was some interior darkness starting to assemble that the majesty of the landscape was helpful in Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-12076209453752333512018-10-25T12:14:00.000-07:002018-10-25T12:18:46.204-07:00past the shattered door
If you're unlucky enough to have an event that can engender PTSD - in my case the events surrounding my brain tumor diagnosis in 2005 - then I am so sorry. You'll work for years - running, meditating, therapy - to modify, mollify, blunt, ignore all subsequent manifestations but the event has such force and power that all your improvements and updates will just be blown into the wind, plywood Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-25207240139668813162018-10-18T10:33:00.000-07:002018-10-19T11:05:31.844-07:00uncollected thoughts on crowdfunding a movie
just wrapped up my 4th crowdfunding venture. [ran 3 for The Black Sea (one a success, one a fail, one in-the-middle)]. The latest was done to support my next feature film Sister/Brother. I am a big fan of the concept and spirit of crowdfunding but less a fan of the actual doing, which runs counter to my default personality setting which is more or less to be quiet. I don't want to ask Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-53018503673018966362018-10-03T14:02:00.002-07:002018-10-03T14:02:46.268-07:00reversion
was home sick a couple days and it - along with recently prepping/shooting project (which took me away from my mildly regular running routine which has obvious mental/emotional health benefits) and immediately afterward prepping/managing a live crowdfunding campaign for my next film (note: crowdfunding I'm reminded can activate a long ribbon of negative sensation dominos) - drudged up aBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-30551246785501806832018-09-14T15:10:00.000-07:002018-09-14T15:23:44.342-07:00uncollected thoughts on directing
was on set again directing this past week for 5 straight days for my upcoming web-series Micgroaggressions, about 5 individuals and how they intersect with a City mediation one Saturday morning (more to say about that in the coming weeks) and learned and/or was reminded about multiple things that I am going to put here for my future self:
- just ignore that pulsing imposter alarm that keeps Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-20386473112686617392018-08-07T12:08:00.002-07:002018-08-09T14:31:56.191-07:00Bus ProjectLately I've been drawn to taking pictures of people on my morning commute (mostly) and afternoon commute (sometimes) on the 75, 17, and 9 bus-lines here in Portland, Ore. This is kind of new b/c previously I mostly have focused on more benign things like bridges, trees, clouds. Taking candid photos naturally involves subterfuge - after all I'm not announcing it or following up afterwards - and a Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-62159762591762479862018-07-13T14:52:00.003-07:002018-07-13T14:52:37.755-07:00upcoming project
october 2017
currently up to my ears in pre-production for pending webseries project which thus far has engendered a raft of internal grievances (why this? why not this? why am I..? etc). it's been helpful to strip out the emotional reaction where possible and just focus on the act at hand. not dissimilar - and yes maybe this is just a convenient reach b/c i just ran one - to running a Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-76762086342809353552018-07-03T09:28:00.000-07:002018-07-03T09:28:05.498-07:00giant insects
the best i have felt in the last several years was standing on top of a dune on the southern oregon coast 2 weekends ago. we wandered up a forested path near our campground w/ no real plan and kept going. soon we could see a gigantic dune in the distance, urging us toward it. a short time later we stood at the bottom of it. we scrambled to the top w/ some effort and took in the impossible vista:Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-34194527303144337482018-05-09T15:58:00.001-07:002018-05-09T15:58:22.533-07:00Return to Humboldt
MM rented us a van to drive down, which made more sense since our car's tires are bald and about to pop and the IRS just can't seem to deposit our tax return no matter our increasing desperation. drive down took 10 plus hrs b/c of stopping extended 2 times (once riverside park in grants pass, once in crescent city). at last we arrive.
at airbandb in bayside and the smell at night/morning isBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-31851964157470678312018-04-04T20:39:00.002-07:002018-04-05T10:23:05.150-07:00bad day/good day
You're 13 minutes into a 7.5 mile run (on your way home after a half-day at the day job b/c you have to pick the kids up from 1st grade and preschool b/c MM is away at a retreat for a few days to be present as teacher for a local writing/publishing institution), needing to cross the street. You look left over your shoulder and see a biker approaching making your immediate crossing not Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-27767623231692797382017-12-05T13:43:00.004-08:002017-12-08T09:48:53.652-08:00Rejection & Renewal
today is the 22 yr anniversary of the death of my son's namesake. he was driving back from his mother's funeral in Portland and fell asleep at the wheel 10 min from his house in McKinleyville, CA. (Margaret and I started dating shortly afterward and said if made it thru the hazards of being in a relationship in college and one day got married and one day had children, the boy would be named Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-33120249107892905322017-11-22T14:07:00.001-08:002017-11-22T14:07:15.515-08:00MM on Residency - end/returnreally flubbed the landing there. meant to do a real-time day by day account of what it was like with aims to sort of document the price of art and love and marriage where both parties are pursuing something creative and there is taxation w/ in. I'll just say that there were a couple big low points (the macaroni night, Thurs b/f MM came home) but I weathered, we weathered. I am so proud of MM andBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-57189862608619298442017-11-13T15:50:00.004-08:002017-11-13T15:50:48.904-08:00MM on residency - night 7, day/night 8, day 9
a blur of compromise and moments blended with good and bad in equal loops and rotations. two very good things: dinner w/ friends and other kids and playdate the next AM at other friend's house. both of these were moments to re-set and take a breath, find community w/ other parents and get some space from kids and allow them to play/connect w/ other kids. very grateful for that. also grateful Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-75214727212393421052017-11-11T13:28:00.000-08:002017-11-11T13:28:19.319-08:00MM on Residency - night 5, day/night 6, day 7Good things: kids still alive; successful visit to Burgerville, successful trip to Lewis Elementary to play and walk dog; successful visit to Rose Garden w Grandpa and N to watch Blazer game; semi-successful trip to Playground Gym; F agrees to take bath and let me wash her hair
Bad things: kids fight in car on street by playground gym; N karate chops F in throat; things spiraling out of my Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-36809911335773659892017-11-09T16:45:00.001-08:002017-11-09T16:46:20.792-08:00MM on Residency - Night 4, Day 5Holy moly, last night was absolute shitshow. Got home to find the meal had been prepared by kids (w/ help from G & G, who promptly departed upon my arrival): fruit skewers and rice bowls w/ lots of fixings and additions. We finished eating at 5:15 and I had to clean everything up. Kids had both had endless rivers of screen time so we couldn’t pivot to a show. I tried to get them in their pjs Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-31619213671465007242017-11-08T16:04:00.001-08:002017-11-08T16:04:26.939-08:00MM on Residency - Day 4as it happens I didn't watch Bergman or Cassavettes. I went back and forth on a few choices, watched the first 4 min of a longer Criterion movie that wasn't a great fit for me, started Weekend by Andrew Haigh and got 2 min in b/f MM called. We talked for close to 40 min and then it was too late to finish movie so I watched the next episode of Mindhunter but fell asleep, waking when F was Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-77029786127867378802017-11-07T19:58:00.000-08:002017-11-07T19:58:33.914-08:00MM on Residency - Days 2 and 3Monday woke at 5 am, or rather N woke at 5 am, still adjusting to daylight savings. I was fried from waking up to be w/ F no less than 10 times, one for no water, one for bathroom, the rest for either coughing or coughing-related issues. N was excited to go finish his legos but it was 5 so I said no and split the difference (usually he's up at 6) saying if he stayed in bed for 30 min to read he Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-68840509630200034202017-11-06T09:58:00.001-08:002017-11-06T09:58:15.191-08:00MM on Residency - Day 1 documenting this just as element of living the artistic dream. will try to add every day
Sunday, MM woke around 4 a and left. I caught her just as taxi was pulling up, ready to take her to airport for 3 flights (13 days in WY, part of her being finalist for Pen/Hemingway for People Like You). I went back to bed but F had cough and fever and so she was waking up every few moments and Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-71071874031694460672017-10-09T09:07:00.002-07:002017-10-09T09:07:26.020-07:00shooting trailer 10.8.17
me walking, SB pointing (pic by Phil G)
first time directing per se since January 2013, holy moly. plenty of writing and editing and cinema in between but being on set again was a balm for the weary. today's undertaking a trailer for upcoming feature called Sister/Brother (production starts March 2018). shooting on Alexa. 7 static shots, no dialog, plus 1 shot w/ dialog, so I Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-13690092589446798122017-06-08T10:17:00.002-07:002017-06-08T11:04:47.496-07:00memorial day trip
driving down the winding road alongside the Smith River on the 199, tiny towns subject to change and decay, unlike the rising landscape
maybe aging means existing alongside your former selves, not transcending them. the complication is in keeping the timelines in order, the thread of the narrative bloats with each year, bleeding into the watery present.
there's the theater in eureka whereBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-86027469399286217782017-05-11T09:17:00.003-07:002017-05-12T11:43:36.588-07:00screening 5/6/17 "The Black Sea" and "Ekimmu/The Dead Lust"
I arrived at Clinton Street Theater (via car2go) at 6:30 or so. Had some of the familiar pre-flight nervousness associated with all screenings and was really eager for the lights to go down and for the films to begin. THE BLACK SEA was playing as the 2nd of a double feature with Ekimmu/The Dead Lust. This had great personal significance for me because Ekimmu's filmmaker is Andy Koontz, a Brian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-83000794781092917392016-12-28T11:28:00.000-08:002016-12-29T09:26:35.732-08:00Barbara Turner
Barbara Turner died in April. I've been in deep denial, dreading/avoiding writing anything at all about it, as if the act of writing will be a horrible homework assignment which will end with me facing the cold fact that she is not here any longer. Alternately kind and caustic, hilarious and serious she was a formative presence in my life.
I had just been accepted to AFI in ScreenwritingBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-47913288174920710702016-07-07T11:50:00.001-07:002016-07-07T11:54:49.963-07:00Inquiry & Observation in 4 Parts
1) A couple weeks ago I had to go to the dentist to get my chipped front tooth finally addressed. I'd been putting it off and putting it off despite the cosmetic considerations, in part due to my laziness and in part due to my deep primal dentistry fears. There was a lag of a few weeks between making the appointment and the appointment itself so for reasons unremembered by me I scheduled it atBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-43846734792041142782016-03-16T15:09:00.003-07:002016-03-16T15:23:52.497-07:00Margaret Malone is the best!This past Friday Margaret and I stayed home from work to do our taxes. I think most would agree this is naturally a sort of depressing undertaking but for two artists who haven't quite yet
monetized their enterprises it can come bundled with deep review of life-decisions, adding in turn to the register of depression. The table was spread with receipts - a burrito I bought in Idaho when I attendedBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1213034239813245456.post-11364731144440152342016-03-08T11:53:00.001-08:002016-03-14T12:17:46.710-07:00Here/Not HereI chipped my tooth again. Last night. I was in the hallway bending down to look at mud on the floor as my son Nicholas was crouched below. He sprung up, froglike, unaware of my head nearby. He knocked me so hard on the side of cheek that my front tooth came out. Or rather, part of my front tooth. Part is real, part isn't.
21 years ago (Feb 26, 1995 to be precise) the same tooth was chippedBrian Padianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05806223047453147976noreply@blogger.com3