only a few minutes to jot these items down before heading out the door for a run and then heading out the door to meet w/ the endocrinologist but these thoughts are jostling in my head and i want to put them somewhere.
freshly returned from san fran for the t-giving holiday by amtrak train. something about the process of travel that is accentuated by the length of a train trip; there is someone's sad dog tied up in their sad back-yard, there are culverts and drains and ditches, there are majestic forests, there is mt. shasta dipped in snow like a donut glowing in the sunrise. train travel is intrinsically contemplative (for better or for worse).
had a lovely time (mostly) in san fran. got to see gh, a couple movies, spend some quality time w/ the in-laws and their extensions. i qualify w/ 'mostly' b/c hanging over the trip was this doctor meeting i'll be at in a couple hours. the past four xmas-es/holidays have all involved travel to san fran and have all involved me waiting for some type of medical verdict. 4 yrs ago it was the 1st MRI, 3 yrs ago the anniversary of said MRI, 2 yrs ago the same, last yr the verdict on that growth on my thumb, and this year the verdict on how my pituitary gland has fared after 2 brain surgeries and radiation, w/ the expectation that it has suffered some loss of function. It is, for me, near impossible to attend family gathering(s) of any stripe and engage in the requisite holiday chatter and small talk w/o this sort of white-noise radio-signal background hum; i am hyper-aware of my medical history and hyper-aware of how much the person in front of me knows or wants to know and hyper-aware of how to read the signals they're transmitting. this can impact a vacation.
went w/ mm's dad to the de young museum in gg park. incredible exhibit on modern asian art, anchored by maya lin who is truly amazing. i don't know anything about art really - not in any academic sense anyway - but i know that she is great. the museum also had some other modern stuff like the above, a sculpture by cornelia parker called anti-mass, featuring actual charred wood from an arson-ed black church hanging in space, seemingly mid-explosion. it speaks to me in ways that i cannot fully articulate.
update: several hours later.
went to endocrinologist. my pituitary gland is not failing. in fact it looks just like it did last year this time. we're gonna meet w/ him again in a year's time and monitor levels w/ a blood draw then. in case it's hard to interpret what i'm saying, let me put it this way: this is a good and beautiful thing.