five years

five years ago at this moment, m and i lived in a hotel for 2.5 months in cambridge, mass so i could receive proton beam radiation on what remained of my brain tumor after two surgical resections. we continually find ourselves reminding ourselves of this experience, like a trip to a phantom universe we keep forgetting that we visited and one whose powers impact all subsequent memories, covering them in a gauzy low-lit glow that causes them to feel at once immediate and a hundred years ago.

Here is the machine that I lay on five days a week, head fastened, immobilized.

this half-forgotten dream is a luxury that not everybody gets to dream


Stephilius said...

Even though I know that what you went through was what you needed, that it - helped - you, I still can't help but be more than a bit horrified. It seems so perverse. And that dear Brian, who we're all so fond of, was attacked like that. Even for such a good cause.

It gives rise to a distinctly maternal alarm - which I suppose is, in itself, sort of horrifying! :)

Elizabeth Munroz said...

We can't always choose the path where life leads us. But, we can choose how we travel on that path. Seems like you're free now to choose this next path for yourself. Can't wait to see where you go.

mogomom said...

well said, bp. well said.