1.13.2009

requiem for a hat


i would be a first-rate buffoon to say i couldn't see this coming. i could feel you trying to take your leave for months. what began as a hair-line fracture in the ice began to grow and drift incrementally, becoming a rift, a chasm, an abyss. i am clumsy in thought sometimes and, yes i'll say it, you took full advantage of that. i cannot fault you for my shortcomings though and, should you gaze on these lines, please do not infer such. we were doomed from the outset you see. all things die. even the brilliant, the shimmering, the harmonious.

a post-mortem is a fool's errand but for posterity's sake i shall recount the final moments: i parked the car in a downtown parking garage. eager to lessen my burden's i did not bring my bag choosing instead to carry my lunch and book which in turn meant i had to stuff you, sweet hat, into one of my pockets (i cannot recall thru my vale of tears whether this was coat pocket or pants pocket). I also carried an ipod and a digital camera, meaning my hands were thick and fumble-prone and as i've admitted, my thoughts were scattered like wind-borne seeds. somewhere between the parking garage and my bldg i lost you. but i didn't realize this until hours later. you were long gone before i even noticed.

please know, though i am cloaked in blackness, i wish you all best,
where-ever you may have landed, who-ever may claim you as theirs.
the mountains, the seas, the stars will see our paths crossing as a mere blip - should they regard it at all - but know this dear friend: our time together occupies broad canyons of my memory, my person, my being. the person i am and the person i strive to be are unified thru the prism of your glory.

argh, let me stop this stalling and bring on the ceaseless ribbon of heartsick gutache:

farewell my sweet angel. i'm forever yours. faithfully.

2 comments:

Carrie said...

I'm sorry for your loss. In time, I hope you will come to see this as an opportunity, for who knows what wonders your next hat will bring?

xo

mogomom said...

f'ing hat.