There is a saying that the teacher is always with us. The teacher is always showing us precisely where we are at and encouraging us to relax and open our hearts and minds, encouraging us to not speak and act in the same old stuck ways, encouraging us also not to repress or dissociate. So with this one who is scaring you or insulting you, do you retaliate as you have one hundred thousand times before, or do you start to get smart and do something different?
the above words (further instruction from pema c) were on my mind yesterday as i went home from work. the bus ride was quick. the stars were glowing pinpricks, my breath a blanket. i was feeling good about myself for putting the brakes on my pattern(ed) response to the AM rejection yesterday. then i walked in the door: mm handed me a letter from a grant board. it was the result of my application from november. i opened it. "...we regret to inform you...". Classic. And beautiful. what were the odds of two rejections in a span of 10 hours? well, probably they're not that crazy but the point is that w/o the effort there would be no rejection. we celebrated w/ champagne.
in related news, about an hour ago i got an email from the neurosurgeon who oversees my annual MRIs. and it was written in golden honey:
3 comments:
yippee! that's way better than a grant.
Good news indeed. xox
an all hail to you, listening to pema, listening to your largest self: the buddha!
really beautiful the way you take us through this. i'm thinking about my version of this process, and am glad you wrote about yours.
thinking of tich naht han and the helicopters that meant such awful terror when he was a boy. and then he goes and says his practice is: 'ah! the sound of the helicopters awakens me to my true self!'
fucking badass, brilliant, bodhisattva rockstar.
my salute to increments. minute adjustments. and to your champagne w/ fabulous m.
x
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