askew but in a good way

man something has been going on these past few wks. can't quite pinpoint it or quantify it or say exactly what's causing it but in short, things are good. granted, i've been running again after some time off. i've been moderating alcohol intake and cut coffee altogether. started meditating again after years away from it. i feel like i'm able to toss aside an anchor that i've carried on my back for 3.5 yrs. [i'm referring to a specific situation w/ a specific person there but it's a broader metaphor as well]. The anchor was built of disparate emotions, anger the most dominant among them. It was deep-rooted and sustained, spreading across months and months into years, the sort of thing you recognize intellectually as malevolent and wrong but that emotionally you cannot face. Tied to the shadow side. I feel different now though. I feel ready to say good-bye to that darkness. Its purpose served, sentence completed, course run. see you later. friday i contacted the person in the equation. haven't heard back yet but in some ways the response is beside the point. not to say i don't care whether i hear back b/c i'd love to but the gesture is the end not the means to the end.

saturday was the 9 mi run. i had slight dread b/c i missed last wk's long run due to fatigue but i managed. core strength improving day by day, run by run...came home and had a breakfast and watched 'together' (awesome) and took a 90 min nap...that night we saw "the apartment" at the laurelhurst which was a marvel. i'd seen it several times already but man, it holds up. almost 50 yrs old and still relevent. watched 'lost wknd' a couple wks ago (amazing) so i may be about to relaunch a billy wilder phase. i've lately been stuck on tarkovsky and cassavetes and watching a million first films in anticipation of my own. as if that'll buttress me from screwing up. but still...

had three great visits this past wk w/ 3 amazing people: wednesday w/ sis, saturday w/ old great friend, and sunday w/ mom. You're all ass-kickers!

oh, and tu fawning ep release tomorrow i think. check it. i've heard the ep a couple times and shit man, it's real good.